The Elvis Sandwich On Drugs

wow. well i’ve been missing for quite a well now eh? I mean, I’ve got to, with my Mocks coming up in one and a half weeks. But here I am, coming to serve you vegan foodies.

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Lemme just talk about vegan for a second now. 5 years ago, I was a chicken nugget horder no joke. I would probably sleep with the stuff if I could. I used to despise vegetables, dodging from it in every situation in which my mother would usually force me to eat the green substance and I would shove it into my brother’s plate and lie.

Look at where I am now. Avoiding meat as best as I could, only consuming it at school while at home I would shun it completely. Even dairy products, or the Ariana Grande’s infamous way of calling it ‘tit puss’. Very classy Grande, but aside from the Starbucks drink, I ain’t gonna start liking any other Grandes.

Talk about infamous. The Elvis. A sandwich named after the Rock King himself, as it is known to have been invented by him, according to Wikipedia. A smear of peanut butter, a sliced ripe banana, strips of smoky bacon all squished in between two slices of bread, tasting even better when you stuff it in a panini press. Here I am to show you how to make a vegan version of it that isn’t disgusting in any way.

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First up, the bacon. I’ve seen blogs that uses ‘seitan’ as a bacon replacer, but as I am poor AND am not able to find it in this godforsaken country, I improvised with tofu. I pressed and marinaded it the night before, throw in into a grill for 15 minutes, and out comes this wonderful smell of barbecued meat. You know what else you can do to amp up this sandwich? Caramelize slices of banana in the leftover liquid that leaked out of the tofu bacon. The softened banana ends up absorbing the liquid, creating a sort of sweet and savoury feel to it.

Lovely stuff. Go make it.

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The ‘Elvis’ Sandwich on drugs.

Tofu Bacon. 

Thin slices of tofu

Ketchup

Soy sauce

Barbecue spice. Or powder. I don’t exactly know what it’s called.

The assemble

Two slice of bread.

Ripe Banana

Peanut butter

The tofu bacon

 

Slice your tofu block as thin as possible; it’s hard, but if you want it to be similar to a legit bacon then you gotta do it. Set that aside on a paper towel and work on the marinade.

Mix the ketchup, soy sauce and bbq spice/powder until it resembles barbecue sauce. Then add about a tablespoon of water.

Lay your tofu slices in your marinade, switching sides after 10 or 15 minutes. After you’ve coated both sides, store it in the fridge overnight, or over the coarse of a day for good results.

Next day: get your grill hot and ready before laying your marinaded tofu. Grill it for around 15 minutes or if your nose is superb, until it smells like it’s ready.

Assembling the sandwich. 

Bread. A copious amount of peanut butter. [Caramelized] Bananas. Bacon. More peanut butter. Bread.

Inhale.

 

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peanut butter s’mores

So there was this one time when I gave a fudge. Not literally, like I handed a dodgy looking stranger a fudge which is an idiotic move as giving a piece of confectionery to someone whom you haven’t any relation to could lead to something that would endanger your very being. I am simply just replacing an unpleasant word that would make my mother’s face turn red and spill her Cafe 21 with a G rated word that is family friendly – not saying that it’s cool for you to say it at school or in public. As I was saying, the other day in math class I decided to do some actual work and not doodle the powerpuff girls on the bottom of the page, which totally payed of because I received a damn smiley face by the teacher-that-hates-my-guts. The amount of pride I gave myself was embarrassing, as the other students were at their third smiley or so already, while this was my first.

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This called for a celebration, as all things wonderful do. Not the kind of celebration where one would invite people over for one havoc of a party, nay I am too classy (lonely) for that and I don’t plan on sharing my food with individuals whom I do not give a fig (another food word!) about, nor will I ever actually give figs to as they’re too pretty for them (they as in the figs). This is where the peanut buttah saunters in.

Not gracefully though, as it is quite sticky *winkwink* (i mean i DID use the word ‘saunter’ and that already sounds somewhat vulgar so that joke was much needed), if you know what I mean. This idea came to me after a long ass day of moping around in school, like a little voice whispering to me. So don’t thank me for making your snack times as enjoyable as it will be in the future, thank that bird there.

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Just pile ’em on top of each other and devour within mono seconds. If you’re willing to spare a minute or two, after forming it into a sandwich, shove it in a griller/toaster for a few. It’s worth it.

That’s the recipe.

Well. Just don’t forget that Dora loves you.

(slow start to this pb month right?)

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