The Elvis Sandwich On Drugs

wow. well i’ve been missing for quite a well now eh? I mean, I’ve got to, with my Mocks coming up in one and a half weeks. But here I am, coming to serve you vegan foodies.

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Lemme just talk about vegan for a second now. 5 years ago, I was a chicken nugget horder no joke. I would probably sleep with the stuff if I could. I used to despise vegetables, dodging from it in every situation in which my mother would usually force me to eat the green substance and I would shove it into my brother’s plate and lie.

Look at where I am now. Avoiding meat as best as I could, only consuming it at school while at home I would shun it completely. Even dairy products, or the Ariana Grande’s infamous way of calling it ‘tit puss’. Very classy Grande, but aside from the Starbucks drink, I ain’t gonna start liking any other Grandes.

Talk about infamous. The Elvis. A sandwich named after the Rock King himself, as it is known to have been invented by him, according to Wikipedia. A smear of peanut butter, a sliced ripe banana, strips of smoky bacon all squished in between two slices of bread, tasting even better when you stuff it in a panini press. Here I am to show you how to make a vegan version of it that isn’t disgusting in any way.

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First up, the bacon. I’ve seen blogs that uses ‘seitan’ as a bacon replacer, but as I am poor AND am not able to find it in this godforsaken country, I improvised with tofu. I pressed and marinaded it the night before, throw in into a grill for 15 minutes, and out comes this wonderful smell of barbecued meat. You know what else you can do to amp up this sandwich? Caramelize slices of banana in the leftover liquid that leaked out of the tofu bacon. The softened banana ends up absorbing the liquid, creating a sort of sweet and savoury feel to it.

Lovely stuff. Go make it.

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The ‘Elvis’ Sandwich on drugs.

Tofu Bacon. 

Thin slices of tofu


Soy sauce

Barbecue spice. Or powder. I don’t exactly know what it’s called.

The assemble

Two slice of bread.

Ripe Banana

Peanut butter

The tofu bacon


Slice your tofu block as thin as possible; it’s hard, but if you want it to be similar to a legit bacon then you gotta do it. Set that aside on a paper towel and work on the marinade.

Mix the ketchup, soy sauce and bbq spice/powder until it resembles barbecue sauce. Then add about a tablespoon of water.

Lay your tofu slices in your marinade, switching sides after 10 or 15 minutes. After you’ve coated both sides, store it in the fridge overnight, or over the coarse of a day for good results.

Next day: get your grill hot and ready before laying your marinaded tofu. Grill it for around 15 minutes or if your nose is superb, until it smells like it’s ready.

Assembling the sandwich. 

Bread. A copious amount of peanut butter. [Caramelized] Bananas. Bacon. More peanut butter. Bread.




How to not get sick of 2 minute noodles

I love eating one of those 2 minutes just-add-water ramen noodles; go on, laugh. Seriously, there’s something about them that I just like the taste of. I think it’s the MSG.

But, lets be honest, the taste gets old way too quickly. Ain’t no one would want to eat something that taste the same over and over again. That is why I am typing this for y’all that are sick of their ‘chicken’ flavored ramen.

Just in case you haven’t the foggiest what I am talking about:

I even took the time to take these pictures.

I even took the time to take these pictures.

I personally prefer the one on the right.

1. Add your own condiments; don’t be limited to the little seasoning packet

Go on, go take that bottle of soy sauce out and pour some (some like a teaspoon. don’t pour a dollop) and mix it in. Or mustard.. ketchup… Thai chili sauce. Why the hell not? It’s gonna add some more flavour into it no matter what you put in it.

2. Cut some veggies up and pop ’em in

You don’t even have to cook them separately; just chop some up and.. put it in! Tastes so much better… the crunch and whatnot y’know? And it would make you feel better for eating that stuff. Added vitamins and whatever.

3. Fry/boil/poach an egg

It’s not that hard y’know. Just crack and egg in a pan and… you’re done. Or you could always just do it the way I like mine; crack the egg directly into the saucepan which you’re simmering your ramen noodles and stir continuously. It will make awesome strands of E G G. But no matter however you make your egg just remember; everything’s better with an egg.

4. Add some poultry into that. Leftovers? Even better. 

You want to be full for a lil’ bit longer (like for at least 2 hours)? Grab last night’s (or last week. Which ever) sweet and sour chicken and throw it in your saucepan along with the noodles. You could always just use raw chicken; just chop some up into bite size pieces. Prefer something more chewier? Just chop the chicken up and don’t cook it – wait until you are done cooking the ramen and then just eat it as it is. Very chewy om nom nom.

5. Don’t. Stop being so lazy and get pizza. 

I highly recommend this step. It’s healthier anyway. I mean, at least it uses ingredients that you can pronounce and have heard of.


I hope I saved your ehem today; and your money seeing as adding an egg an some baby carrots to a packet of maggi probably costs like 2.50 bucks. Your welcome.

Have fun in your kitchen. Don’t get fired *cue guffaw*.